Confused

There is a lot of things I want to do in life and sucks that every time I want to do something I have someone saying no. It’s like I have no mind of my own at all. Ever since I found out that I am having to fight small cancer cells inside my stomach not to mention just finding out I may have congestive heart failure and now more test more surgery to go. It is almost like fuck just lay down die already. It sucks that you go your whole life on medication and trying to fix every problem for everything around you to fall apart and you just go numb where you don’t even care anymore. I think one of the scary things is having to have heart surgery. But I won’t know til after all the test are done and come back to find the blockage so they can fix it. Even then maybe when I am laying on that table god will say hey young woman come with me let’s go to heaven together and then all my worries and health and battling everyday will disappear. But then I leave everyone I love behind. Gosh life gives and it takes away

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